Ten Ways to Make Someone Happy (including yourself)

What is the secret to true happiness? Have you ever thought about that? What is it about some people that make them so darned happy? How can some people can be happy despite the trials and tribulations of life? Conversely, why is it that some people are never happy?

 

For me, the secret of being happy lies not in me but in others. I think to be truly happy you have to look outward.  You have to make others happy. I hope that I do that through my writing and I also try to do that in my daily life. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have plenty of days when I struggle to be happy. Sometimes the stresses of my life really get me down and I find it difficult to “put on a happy face”. But on those days, I find that if I do just the simplest act of kindness, my mood starts to lift upward.

 

The story below comes from a website called Propel Steps. I’m not sure of the original author but it really echoes what I truly feel - that our own happiness lies in making others happy.

 

Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

 

Now these delegates were left in that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written, within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos. At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.

 

Now each one was asked to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

 

The speaker began— Exactly this is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is.Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness.

   

I’ve listed a few of my favorite ideas for spreading happiness and making others smile.

 

1.    Smile at everyone you pass. Smiling is euphoric. Go ahead, smile. You feel good when you do. Smiling is not only euphoric, it’s contagious. When you smile at someone, it’s really hard for them not to smile back. Maybe the person you smiled at was having a bad day. Maybe your smile helped to turn that day around. Perhaps that person then smiled at someone else and made their day. You can see where this is going.

2.   Let someone in front of you in traffic. This is a hard one for me. I really get irritated at those people who seemingly do not know how to merge. But, you never know who might be behind the wheel. Maybe it is a new teen driver, getting on the interstate for the first time. Or maybe it’s a timid elderly woman who doesn’t normally drive herself. Perhaps it’s a really aggressive driver who would have cut you off if you didn’t let them in. Just slow down, let them in, and smile because you did.

3.    When you’re at the mall or entering an office building, stop and hold the door for the person coming in behind you, even if they are several steps behind you. Hopefully they will smile at your gesture of kindness and thank you. If not, wish them a happy day anyway.

4.    Greet every person who steps in the elevator with you. Wish them all a great day as you leave.

5.    Take the time to learn someone’s name and remember it the next time you see them. Have a favorite server at the coffee shop or cashier at the market? Notice their nametag and call them by name. Jot it down so you can remember it next time you see them and greet them by name. I use the Notes app on my phone for this.

6.    Make conversation with your favorite server, cashier, clerk at the dry cleaners, etc. Learn something about them. Did they just have a baby? Are they planning a vacation? Ask them about it the next time you see them. (After you call them by name - see #5 above)

7.       Be a really good friend. Know someone who is going through a tough time? Spend some time with them. Ask them how they’re doing and really listen. Don’t go on about your problems, listen to theirs. Give them a hug, let them know you care. Even if they don’t feel like talking, sit with them in silence. Just be there.

8.    Send someone a handwritten thank you note. I always keep a stash of note cards handy. You can get some really cute ones in the dollar bins at a certain craft store. Whenever someone has done something nice for me or for my family I try to write them a note letting them know how much I appreciated it. I was taught as a child to always write thank you notes and I really think it is a lost art. Let’s bring them back!

9.    Buy a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store and pass out individual flowers to people who might need a day brightener – the exhausted mom with the screaming toddler, the frazzled cashier who just encountered a grumpy customer. I haven’t tried this one yet but I just thought of it as I was writing these. And it made me smile!

10.  Jot down your own ideas to be kind and make others smile. As was the case in # 9 above, just doing so makes you happy.

So today, I encourage you to go out and make someone happy. You’ll be happy you did!

 

"I began learning long ago that those who are happiest are those who do the most for others" – Booker T. Washington

Hurricane Taylor

This is the first in a series of stories in honor of the decade of Taylor.

We will be celebrating our daughter Taylor’s 10^th birthday soon. I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing lately, as is usually the case when you approach a milestone in life. Since Taylor’s first few years of life were rather chaotic, I never kept up her baby book. I had a box of good intentions – the book, pictures, and various and sundry notes jotted down on ragged and torn sheets of paper. I had hoped to transfer them to the book on some peaceful night when I had a few moments. Those moments never came. I was looking through that box the other night and the memories came flooding back (quite an interesting analogy considering the meteorological events that surrounded her birth).

2004 was one of the most active hurricane seasons in the Tampa Bay area. It was also the year our daughter Taylor was born. Little did I know that weathering those storms was preparing me and teaching me valuable lessons for handling what life with Taylor would bring.

I was 8 months pregnant when the first storm hit. Hurricane Charley was one of the worst storms to hit Florida in many years. It made landfall a little south of us and plowed through the center of the state. It was Friday, August 13^th. We were without power for 5 days following Charley. Being 8 months pregnant and without power in August does not make a happy momma to be. I did my best to endure the heat but finally, late in the afternoon of the 5^th day, I broke down. I cried that dramatic, emotional cry that hormonal pregnant women cry. I told my husband that I couldn’t take another night of this. As we packed a bag and prepared to leave our home for the comfort of an air conditioned hotel room, the power came on.  

First life lesson of the hurricane season - Just when you’re about to give up hope, hang on a little longer; it will get better.

Frances was the next storm to come our way, about a week before Taylor was born. Wind and rain were the only effects of Frances for us, but just as soon as Frances passed us, we started to track Ivan.

Second life lesson of the hurricane season - Just when you think the storm has passed, there’s usually another one approaching.

Ivan was on a direct path for our area and was predicted to make landfall on September 13^th, Taylor’s due date.

The phone call arrived about 10 AM on Friday September 10^th. I was at work. Like most working mommas, whether it is at home or in an office, I was determined to keep at it until the very last minute. The call was from my doctor’s office and it was short and sweet. “Be at the hospital at 6:00 tomorrow morning, we’re going to induce labor.” It turns out the hospital was located in the direct path that Ivan was projected to take. The doctor was scheduling all of the moms with due dates that week to be induced over the weekend. By noon, I had wrapped up all loose ends at work, said my farewells to my friends and headed to Walmart. I was going to have a baby in less than 24 hours and would be leaving the hospital a day before a direct hit of a category 4 hurricane. I NEEDED SUPPLIES!

The next day, September 11, 2004, Taylor was born. We called her our “little terrorist”. We had no idea how appropriate that nickname would be.

Hurricane Ivan ended going straight up the Gulf and into the Florida Panhandle, completely missing us.

Third life lesson of the hurricane season - Do not worry for God is in control.

There were two more storms that year, Frances & Jeanne. But it wasn’t until a couple of months after Taylor was born that the real storms hit.

Taylor’s first few weeks of life were rather normal for most infants. There was a lot of crying and fussing and very little sleep to be had by anyone in our house. By her one month checkup the crying and fussing hadn’t ceased and she rarely slept for more than an hour at a time, even at night. The doctor called it colic. I had a nagging feeling that something wasn’t normal. I had two other children, I knew what to expect. Taylor wasn’t ever very happy. She didn’t smile and never really made eye contact. She appeared to be looking past me, not at me. The doctor gave me the typical “give it time, all babies develop differently”, but I knew otherwise.

Our first few years with Taylor were consumed with doctors, tests, hospital stays and procedures. She had numerous health issues. By the time Taylor reached her first birthday, she was already seeing an Urologist, Cardiologist, Otolaryngologist (ENT), and a Neurologist. We were also consulting with a Geneticist. Besides treating all of her health problems, we were desperately seeking an elusive diagnosis. To me a diagnosis meant answers, support, and hope. If I could just find a name for what was causing all of her issues, wouldn’t it provide comfort? Wouldn’t it help me deal with what we were going through? Ten years later and still no official diagnosis, I can tell you the answer is a resounding “No!” What I know now and what I came to realize after many years of a futile search for answers is that comfort, peace, and hope do not come from answers, they come from acceptance. They come when you stop trying to find answers, stop trying to find something (or someone) to blame, stop searching for reasons; when you start living your life with your precious gift.

A gift - that is what Taylor is; a gift from God. We’ve been told before that we were chosen for Taylor; that she is blessed to have us as her parents. I don’t buy that at all. I say that my husband and I are the blessed ones. Taylor was chosen for us, not the other way around. We needed Taylor in our lives.

Looking back, I am amazed at how much my life has changed and how I have changed, all for the better.

Final life lesson of the hurricane season - Storms may cause damage, darkness, despair but storms pass and are usually followed by rainbows; the most beautiful of God’s creations.

An Angel in Ink

They say that angels are all around us. I’ve always believed that to be true. They never quite look like angels, although I can’t really say that I know what an angel should look like. Based on my most recent sighting, angels have tattoos.

I received a text last Wednesday from April H., the director at Taylor’s daycare (I’m using initials as you will soon see that there are two April’s in this story). We had just taken Taylor for an MRI. She required sedation so it was a stressful and draining morning. As I was leaving after the procedure, I saw the text, “Left you a message. Call me when you get a chance”. Normally when I get calls or texts from daycare, panic mode sets in. But Taylor was with us, it couldn’t have been an emergency. Relieved, I gave April a call and she proceeded to tell me that a woman from a local salon wanted to do a fundraiser at the daycare. They would give haircuts for a donation and would give all the money raised to the school. A win-win; daycare receives money to donate to a charity and the salon gets some free advertising! Of course, April immediately thought of Taylor and our involvement with Livy’s Hope. We scheduled the event for the next week, put up some flyers; all proceeds would be donated to the Livy’s Hope fund at the Epilepsy Foundation.

April H. gave me all of the information to contact the woman, April M. She is the assistant manager at the Hair Cuttery, a local salon. Ironically, it is the place my husband, Taylor and I have been getting our hair cut for years. I decided to stop by with Taylor on Saturday to meet April M. We had only communicated by email and I wanted to meet her in person and find out a little more about what she had planned.

Taylor and April - fast friends

I’m not sure what I had expected April M to look like, but I will admit I was a bit surprised when she came out to meet us. She is very young, perhaps late 20’s and has numerous tattoos covering her body. If I had any preconceived notions about what someone fitting that description should be like, they were immediately set aside. April M. was the most beautiful and loving soul. I know that because Taylor immediately gravitated to her.

 

My husband and I always say that Taylor senses good people. I think because her brain works differently than others’, she uses her heart to sense genuineness. And she knew that April M. was a friend.

We sat and chatted with April for about 30 minutes, talking about the fundraiser, but mostly talking about Taylor. April was enamored with Taylor. She commented several times how happy Taylor made her feel, how she just loved Taylor’s smile. Taylor has that effect on people.

April asked about Taylor’s seizures and if we were able to tell when they would happen. She asked so many questions, sometimes I sensed that April was a bit unsure, not knowing the right terminology to use. I appreciated April’s candor and genuine interest in knowing about Taylor.

We left the salon, and I was sure that we had met an angel.

Then came the day of the fundraiser. I was working and could not attend, but Jeff was off with Taylor and was able to take her. Jeff met April and also her 8 year old daughter. She was kind and genuine, just like her mom.

Taylor and April at the fundraiser

The event raised over $400 for the Epilepsy Foundation, a testament to the wonderful staff and family at Taylor’s daycare. I am so incredibly grateful to both Aprils in the story and I am so blessed to have met April M and gotten to know her. I know that Taylor and I have made a new friend.

Remember, when you see a person who looks different, maybe covered in tattoos or piercings, don’t misjudge them. At the very least, they are just like you or me. But quite possibly, they could be an angel.

Make That Change!

A motto in life that I have tried to follow and try to encourage others to follow is this: “if you don’t like it, change it”. In other words, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Often we put off making changes in our lives because we feel that we can’t. Maybe we feel that we can’t give 100% effort or maybe we don’t think we have the knowledge or the right skills to do something. But you don’t have to wait until all the right pieces are in place to get started. Start small, learn as you go, but just start.

 

There is a Chinese Proverb that says, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.

 

If there is anything in your life that you are not happy with, you have the power to make changes to make it better. You are a powerful force! In my first blog post, I mentioned that I sent myself an email that just said “Do Something”. The point of that email was to get me out of a funk that I was in. I had just changed jobs and I wasn’t terribly satisfied. My husband and I were dealing with numerous issues with our daughter Taylor. She had spent months in the hospital, we were stressed and life just wasn’t great. I was in a really bad place and feeling rather sorry for myself. As I wallowed in my self-pity I remembered that I hate to wallow in my self-pity. I really do try to stay positive and feeling sorry for myself was not helping me do that. I knew that I had to stop focusing on my own problems. I wanted to turn my focus toward others. Do more to help others. That was the change that I needed in my life.

 Here are a few ways that I have made changes in my life to turn my focus away from myself and toward others:

           

·         I started writing this blog. I love to write. It makes me feel good. Through this blog I hope to share words of encouragement and to also share ideas for getting involved in charities; turning your focus outward.

·         I got involved with Livy’sHope. Taylor and I have made some wonderful new friends and we have been able to show kindness, give hope and help other families through the Kids Crew.

·         I am devoting more time to other charities like Ronald McDonald House , Feeding America and No Kid Hungry.

·         I pray more. I read Bible devotionals related to living a joyful life. I thank God every day for the blessed life that I have and I thank Him for the challenges I face too. It’s those challenges that make me stronger and even more grateful for the good times.

 

Amazing things happen when you turn your focus from inward to outward:

1. You forget your problems
2.  Someone else benefits
3. You start to feel really good

 In these past several months I have had a new attitude. I smile more. I’m happy! I don’t let the little frustrations in life get me down. Sure, I have my days when the pity party tries to creep back in. But in those times, I really do try to turn it around. Remind myself that life is good. Pray.

So if you find yourself in a rut, in a bad place or just not happy with the way things have been going. I challenge you to take that first step, do something about the way you feel, make a change in your life. Do something, anything. You’ll be glad you did.

 

In the words of the late Michael Jackson, “Make that change”

 

 

 

Fear, Courage and Cliff Diving

I’ve been struggling lately to find things to write about. I want my blog to have a personal touch, but I really don’t want it to be a “day in the life” type of blog. Really, my life is not that interesting!

The other day I saw a quote posted on Facebook. It was one of my favorite quotes. I love quotes. When I see a good one, I jot it down and save it to my favorite quotes file, a Word document that is now about five pages long. Did I say I love quotes?

I find so much wisdom and inspiration in the words of others. If I need a kick in the butt to pick myself up on a particularly difficult day, there’s a quote for that. If I need to encourage my college-aged daughter to go out and do what she loves, there’s a quote for that. If I need to remind my son that there is no easy path to success, there’s a quote for that.  If I need to lift up a friend who is feeling down or tell someone that I’m really glad they’re in my life, there’s a quote for that.

I thought it would be good to take some of my favorite quotes and write about what they mean to me and share a particular situation when I used that quote to help encourage someone.

When I originally started this blog, my intent was to accomplish two goals I had set for myself.

1.       Start writing

2.       Start giving back more

 My original plan, as I described in my my first blog post fell by the wayside, but I can say that this year I have definitely given more of my time to others. In fact, I do have some great plans in the works that will hopefully get others motivated to do the same. This leads me to the quote I will share today:

“Always do the things you fear the most. Courage is an acquired taste, like caviar."
– Erica Jong

As I mentioned, this past year I have really started to get more involved and for me, that has taken a lot of courage. To most people, I seem pretty outgoing, but there is an introvert inside of me just waiting to get out. I have had to work hard over the years to battle my inner introvert and for the most part, I have won the battle.

I wrote about my first step out of my comfort zone and into the giving back zone in my Just Show Up post. That day, I ignored my fear of getting out there and meeting new people and it was so worth it. That first meeting spawned my (and Taylor’s) involvement with Livy’s Hope Kids Crew and some great new friendships.

As I continued to work on my goal of giving of my time, I realized that other people might share my fear of going it alone. Wouldn’t it be much easier and surely more fun if we served as a group? That was evident when I gathered a group of friends to help me cook and serve a meal at Ronald McDonald House. That was definitely an undertaking I couldn’t do alone. As the day approached and I planned my menu, I was terrified that I would not be able to pull it off. That fear quickly disappeared as my friends started arriving and we worked together. Fear is best conquered in the company of friends.

Back to my plan to get others motivated to volunteer and how that plays into my quote. I have a vision to start a service organization to promote volunteerism through group activities. I’ve started taking small steps towards this goal but I really need to just jump in with both feet. I am about to navigate uncharted territory as far as my own personal experience and knowledge go and that scares me to death. But as the quote says, do the things you fear the most.

I shared this quote many years ago with my daughter Lauren on her first day of classes at Florida State University. Lauren inherited my inner introvert and was having a difficult time adjusting to her new life and being so far from home. I wanted to encourage her to get out, try new things, meet new people, and conquer her fears. Five years later, I’m proud to say that she has done just that. The homesick teenager that I left in tears has graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work and is halfway through her Masters of SW & Public Administration. She has spent her summers leading mission trips and is now interning with the Florida Emergency Management department. The thing she feared most was getting out and meeting people. Now she is speaking to government officials and CEO’s of non-profits. She is forging her own path to success, simply by getting out there and doing the things she feared the most.

Psychology Today says this about fear, “…exposing ourselves to our own personal demons is the best way to move past them”. I have many fears regarding my new project; fear that I have no idea what I’m doing, fear of rejection, fear of failure. I read a blog by Curtis Zimmerman called Jumping off the Cliff. In it he says that the first step in achieving your dream is to “jump off the cliff”, which means going for something even before you feel totally prepared. So I have to move forward and acquire that taste of courage. I am the first time cliff diver, looking over the ledge, scared to death but also excited to jump. I have to take that leap of faith. Here I go……Geronimo!

Many Hands

Livy's Hope Kids Crew

Question – What do you do with 20 kids, a bunch of craft supplies, and over a hundred bottles of hand lotion, shower gel and other frilly things?

Answer – You make memories, messes and some very happy mothers.

 

This past Saturday was the second meeting of the Livy’s Hope Kids Crew. The Kids Crew was started by Hailey Scheinman, the spunky and inspirational spokesgirl for Livy's Hope. According to Hailey, “The Kids Crew is a group of kids that do good things for children with medical needs and their families. They help places the children’s hospitals, the Ronald McDonald House(RMH) and more.” It is a group of elementary school aged kids who want to help make the world a better place. They have monthly meetings, complete with an agenda, an activity and of course, a snack.  The purpose of the Kids Crew is to teach kids the value of giving back. To let them know that even though they are young, they can still make a difference; to show them that when you work together, you can do great things.

And great things they did!

At Saturday’s meeting, the kids learned about RMH and how they help families whose children are in the hospital. Then the kids got busy! They split into two groups. Half of them started at the craft table where they made cute flower bookmarks out of craft sticks, foam flowers and adhesive jewels. The other half of the kids took to the back porch to stuff gift bags, assembly line style, with hand lotions, shower gel, manicure kits and other mom friendly goodies. Then the groups traded places. In less than an hour the kids made 80 bookmarks and stuffed 80 gift bags. The bags were also filled with chocolates and cake pops (courtesy of Painted and Sprinkled). The bags are Mother’s Day gifts for the moms staying at RMH.

 

It was wonderful to see these kids working together on this project. These are great kids who have big hearts. And they are learning valuable lessons about giving back to those in need. The parents of many of the kids were also in attendance on Saturday. It was great to have extra hands to help guide the process. I know that all of the parents are so proud of their kids.

The kids voted to choose which one of three organizations would be their next project. They chose from Operation Smile, Children's Hospice, and Wheelchairs 4 Kids. They learned a little bit about what each of these organizations do and about the kids that they serve. The kids chose Wheelchairs 4 Kids and I can’t wait to see what amazing things they will do. They raised over $600 in their first fundraiser, a bake sale and yard sale. When these kids get together, anything is possible!

They say that many hands make light work. In the case of the Kids Crew, many kids' hands do good works.

For more pictures of Saturday’s events and to learn more about Livy’s Hope, please visit their Facebook page, www.facebook.com/livyshope

Because of Taylor – My Messy Beautiful

This post is part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!

My Messy Beautiful……gee, where do I start? I can think back to so many times in my life where this would apply.

Messy – married at 20, divorced at 29

Beautiful – 2 amazing kids who are now amazing young adults.

Messy – single mom trying to raise two small kids on one small paycheck.

 

Beautiful – found a confidence in myself that I never had (plus I met my now husband of 15 years while playing with my kids in the parking lot in front of my apartment).

Messy – having a child with a congenital brain malformation that has caused epilepsy and multiple disabilities.

Beautiful – having a child with a congenital brain malformation that has caused epilepsy and multiple disabilities.

Taylor was born September 11, 2004. From early on in her life, I knew that something was not right. She was my third child and I knew what to expect. She wasn’t smiling, wasn’t making eye contact. She wasn’t meeting any milestones. She was inconsolable most days. Doctors called it colic. I knew better.

When you first discover that you have a child with special needs you experience something similar to the mourning process. You go through different phases, starting with denial. Next there is anger, then depression. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t cry. It was messy.

The final stage in the mourning process is acceptance and when I finally accepted the fact that I had a child with special needs, it was beautiful.

Taylor is my messy beautiful.

Taylor is messy in so many ways….the drooling, the diapers, the mess she makes when she eats. When she plays with toys, she would rather put them in her mouth or throw them. More often than not, she puts it in her mouth AND throws it. On those occasions, the toy usually lands in some remote under the couch wasteland that hasn’t been graced by a vacuum in months. Now that’s messy.

Speaking of vacuums, have you seen my house? It’s a mess! One of the many things I have come to accept with Taylor is there really isn’t enough time in the day. My home has definitely suffered and is in no way shape or form Martha Stewart ready. I do manage to get in the basics; the kitchen is clean and the laundry is done. The toilets get a swish of bowl cleaner on a regular basis and the floors get vacuumed and mopped. Maybe not as often as I like, but enough to keep the varmints away!

I too, am a mess. My hair is in desperate need of a cut and color. The nail polish on my toes is at least 3 months old. I can usually count on at least one day a week if not more, that I show up to work with some remnant of Taylor’s breakfast on my clothes. And in those times when we’re going through a difficult time with Taylor, I usually show up to work with most of my makeup washed away by tears.

Yes, because of Taylor, my life is a mess. But it is also so much more than that.

Because of Taylor I have found a renewed faith in God. I have found peace that can only be found through prayer.

Because of Taylor I have found a church home.

Because of Taylor I have made many wonderful new friends.

Because of Taylor I have found strength and courage that I never knew I had.

Because of Taylor I love my husband more than I could ever imagine.

Because of Taylor I have learned that there is more joy and hope to be found in helping others than in focusing on your own pain and struggles.

Because of Taylor, I have come to appreciate every smile, every laugh, and every small milestone.

Because of Taylor, I have learned that life is not perfect. Never has been. Never will be.

Because of Taylor, I have learned that, although life is not perfect, it is beautiful.

Because of Taylor....I AM MESSY BEAUTIFUL!

 

Carry On Warrior