Make That Change!

A motto in life that I have tried to follow and try to encourage others to follow is this: “if you don’t like it, change it”. In other words, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Often we put off making changes in our lives because we feel that we can’t. Maybe we feel that we can’t give 100% effort or maybe we don’t think we have the knowledge or the right skills to do something. But you don’t have to wait until all the right pieces are in place to get started. Start small, learn as you go, but just start.

 

There is a Chinese Proverb that says, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”.

 

If there is anything in your life that you are not happy with, you have the power to make changes to make it better. You are a powerful force! In my first blog post, I mentioned that I sent myself an email that just said “Do Something”. The point of that email was to get me out of a funk that I was in. I had just changed jobs and I wasn’t terribly satisfied. My husband and I were dealing with numerous issues with our daughter Taylor. She had spent months in the hospital, we were stressed and life just wasn’t great. I was in a really bad place and feeling rather sorry for myself. As I wallowed in my self-pity I remembered that I hate to wallow in my self-pity. I really do try to stay positive and feeling sorry for myself was not helping me do that. I knew that I had to stop focusing on my own problems. I wanted to turn my focus toward others. Do more to help others. That was the change that I needed in my life.

 Here are a few ways that I have made changes in my life to turn my focus away from myself and toward others:

           

·         I started writing this blog. I love to write. It makes me feel good. Through this blog I hope to share words of encouragement and to also share ideas for getting involved in charities; turning your focus outward.

·         I got involved with Livy’sHope. Taylor and I have made some wonderful new friends and we have been able to show kindness, give hope and help other families through the Kids Crew.

·         I am devoting more time to other charities like Ronald McDonald House , Feeding America and No Kid Hungry.

·         I pray more. I read Bible devotionals related to living a joyful life. I thank God every day for the blessed life that I have and I thank Him for the challenges I face too. It’s those challenges that make me stronger and even more grateful for the good times.

 

Amazing things happen when you turn your focus from inward to outward:

1. You forget your problems
2.  Someone else benefits
3. You start to feel really good

 In these past several months I have had a new attitude. I smile more. I’m happy! I don’t let the little frustrations in life get me down. Sure, I have my days when the pity party tries to creep back in. But in those times, I really do try to turn it around. Remind myself that life is good. Pray.

So if you find yourself in a rut, in a bad place or just not happy with the way things have been going. I challenge you to take that first step, do something about the way you feel, make a change in your life. Do something, anything. You’ll be glad you did.

 

In the words of the late Michael Jackson, “Make that change”

 

 

 

Fear, Courage and Cliff Diving

I’ve been struggling lately to find things to write about. I want my blog to have a personal touch, but I really don’t want it to be a “day in the life” type of blog. Really, my life is not that interesting!

The other day I saw a quote posted on Facebook. It was one of my favorite quotes. I love quotes. When I see a good one, I jot it down and save it to my favorite quotes file, a Word document that is now about five pages long. Did I say I love quotes?

I find so much wisdom and inspiration in the words of others. If I need a kick in the butt to pick myself up on a particularly difficult day, there’s a quote for that. If I need to encourage my college-aged daughter to go out and do what she loves, there’s a quote for that. If I need to remind my son that there is no easy path to success, there’s a quote for that.  If I need to lift up a friend who is feeling down or tell someone that I’m really glad they’re in my life, there’s a quote for that.

I thought it would be good to take some of my favorite quotes and write about what they mean to me and share a particular situation when I used that quote to help encourage someone.

When I originally started this blog, my intent was to accomplish two goals I had set for myself.

1.       Start writing

2.       Start giving back more

 My original plan, as I described in my my first blog post fell by the wayside, but I can say that this year I have definitely given more of my time to others. In fact, I do have some great plans in the works that will hopefully get others motivated to do the same. This leads me to the quote I will share today:

“Always do the things you fear the most. Courage is an acquired taste, like caviar."
– Erica Jong

As I mentioned, this past year I have really started to get more involved and for me, that has taken a lot of courage. To most people, I seem pretty outgoing, but there is an introvert inside of me just waiting to get out. I have had to work hard over the years to battle my inner introvert and for the most part, I have won the battle.

I wrote about my first step out of my comfort zone and into the giving back zone in my Just Show Up post. That day, I ignored my fear of getting out there and meeting new people and it was so worth it. That first meeting spawned my (and Taylor’s) involvement with Livy’s Hope Kids Crew and some great new friendships.

As I continued to work on my goal of giving of my time, I realized that other people might share my fear of going it alone. Wouldn’t it be much easier and surely more fun if we served as a group? That was evident when I gathered a group of friends to help me cook and serve a meal at Ronald McDonald House. That was definitely an undertaking I couldn’t do alone. As the day approached and I planned my menu, I was terrified that I would not be able to pull it off. That fear quickly disappeared as my friends started arriving and we worked together. Fear is best conquered in the company of friends.

Back to my plan to get others motivated to volunteer and how that plays into my quote. I have a vision to start a service organization to promote volunteerism through group activities. I’ve started taking small steps towards this goal but I really need to just jump in with both feet. I am about to navigate uncharted territory as far as my own personal experience and knowledge go and that scares me to death. But as the quote says, do the things you fear the most.

I shared this quote many years ago with my daughter Lauren on her first day of classes at Florida State University. Lauren inherited my inner introvert and was having a difficult time adjusting to her new life and being so far from home. I wanted to encourage her to get out, try new things, meet new people, and conquer her fears. Five years later, I’m proud to say that she has done just that. The homesick teenager that I left in tears has graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work and is halfway through her Masters of SW & Public Administration. She has spent her summers leading mission trips and is now interning with the Florida Emergency Management department. The thing she feared most was getting out and meeting people. Now she is speaking to government officials and CEO’s of non-profits. She is forging her own path to success, simply by getting out there and doing the things she feared the most.

Psychology Today says this about fear, “…exposing ourselves to our own personal demons is the best way to move past them”. I have many fears regarding my new project; fear that I have no idea what I’m doing, fear of rejection, fear of failure. I read a blog by Curtis Zimmerman called Jumping off the Cliff. In it he says that the first step in achieving your dream is to “jump off the cliff”, which means going for something even before you feel totally prepared. So I have to move forward and acquire that taste of courage. I am the first time cliff diver, looking over the ledge, scared to death but also excited to jump. I have to take that leap of faith. Here I go……Geronimo!

Many Hands

Livy's Hope Kids Crew

Question – What do you do with 20 kids, a bunch of craft supplies, and over a hundred bottles of hand lotion, shower gel and other frilly things?

Answer – You make memories, messes and some very happy mothers.

 

This past Saturday was the second meeting of the Livy’s Hope Kids Crew. The Kids Crew was started by Hailey Scheinman, the spunky and inspirational spokesgirl for Livy's Hope. According to Hailey, “The Kids Crew is a group of kids that do good things for children with medical needs and their families. They help places the children’s hospitals, the Ronald McDonald House(RMH) and more.” It is a group of elementary school aged kids who want to help make the world a better place. They have monthly meetings, complete with an agenda, an activity and of course, a snack.  The purpose of the Kids Crew is to teach kids the value of giving back. To let them know that even though they are young, they can still make a difference; to show them that when you work together, you can do great things.

And great things they did!

At Saturday’s meeting, the kids learned about RMH and how they help families whose children are in the hospital. Then the kids got busy! They split into two groups. Half of them started at the craft table where they made cute flower bookmarks out of craft sticks, foam flowers and adhesive jewels. The other half of the kids took to the back porch to stuff gift bags, assembly line style, with hand lotions, shower gel, manicure kits and other mom friendly goodies. Then the groups traded places. In less than an hour the kids made 80 bookmarks and stuffed 80 gift bags. The bags were also filled with chocolates and cake pops (courtesy of Painted and Sprinkled). The bags are Mother’s Day gifts for the moms staying at RMH.

 

It was wonderful to see these kids working together on this project. These are great kids who have big hearts. And they are learning valuable lessons about giving back to those in need. The parents of many of the kids were also in attendance on Saturday. It was great to have extra hands to help guide the process. I know that all of the parents are so proud of their kids.

The kids voted to choose which one of three organizations would be their next project. They chose from Operation Smile, Children's Hospice, and Wheelchairs 4 Kids. They learned a little bit about what each of these organizations do and about the kids that they serve. The kids chose Wheelchairs 4 Kids and I can’t wait to see what amazing things they will do. They raised over $600 in their first fundraiser, a bake sale and yard sale. When these kids get together, anything is possible!

They say that many hands make light work. In the case of the Kids Crew, many kids' hands do good works.

For more pictures of Saturday’s events and to learn more about Livy’s Hope, please visit their Facebook page, www.facebook.com/livyshope

Because of Taylor – My Messy Beautiful

This post is part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!

My Messy Beautiful……gee, where do I start? I can think back to so many times in my life where this would apply.

Messy – married at 20, divorced at 29

Beautiful – 2 amazing kids who are now amazing young adults.

Messy – single mom trying to raise two small kids on one small paycheck.

 

Beautiful – found a confidence in myself that I never had (plus I met my now husband of 15 years while playing with my kids in the parking lot in front of my apartment).

Messy – having a child with a congenital brain malformation that has caused epilepsy and multiple disabilities.

Beautiful – having a child with a congenital brain malformation that has caused epilepsy and multiple disabilities.

Taylor was born September 11, 2004. From early on in her life, I knew that something was not right. She was my third child and I knew what to expect. She wasn’t smiling, wasn’t making eye contact. She wasn’t meeting any milestones. She was inconsolable most days. Doctors called it colic. I knew better.

When you first discover that you have a child with special needs you experience something similar to the mourning process. You go through different phases, starting with denial. Next there is anger, then depression. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t cry. It was messy.

The final stage in the mourning process is acceptance and when I finally accepted the fact that I had a child with special needs, it was beautiful.

Taylor is my messy beautiful.

Taylor is messy in so many ways….the drooling, the diapers, the mess she makes when she eats. When she plays with toys, she would rather put them in her mouth or throw them. More often than not, she puts it in her mouth AND throws it. On those occasions, the toy usually lands in some remote under the couch wasteland that hasn’t been graced by a vacuum in months. Now that’s messy.

Speaking of vacuums, have you seen my house? It’s a mess! One of the many things I have come to accept with Taylor is there really isn’t enough time in the day. My home has definitely suffered and is in no way shape or form Martha Stewart ready. I do manage to get in the basics; the kitchen is clean and the laundry is done. The toilets get a swish of bowl cleaner on a regular basis and the floors get vacuumed and mopped. Maybe not as often as I like, but enough to keep the varmints away!

I too, am a mess. My hair is in desperate need of a cut and color. The nail polish on my toes is at least 3 months old. I can usually count on at least one day a week if not more, that I show up to work with some remnant of Taylor’s breakfast on my clothes. And in those times when we’re going through a difficult time with Taylor, I usually show up to work with most of my makeup washed away by tears.

Yes, because of Taylor, my life is a mess. But it is also so much more than that.

Because of Taylor I have found a renewed faith in God. I have found peace that can only be found through prayer.

Because of Taylor I have found a church home.

Because of Taylor I have made many wonderful new friends.

Because of Taylor I have found strength and courage that I never knew I had.

Because of Taylor I love my husband more than I could ever imagine.

Because of Taylor I have learned that there is more joy and hope to be found in helping others than in focusing on your own pain and struggles.

Because of Taylor, I have come to appreciate every smile, every laugh, and every small milestone.

Because of Taylor, I have learned that life is not perfect. Never has been. Never will be.

Because of Taylor, I have learned that, although life is not perfect, it is beautiful.

Because of Taylor....I AM MESSY BEAUTIFUL!

 

Carry On Warrior

Today is Purple Day

 

 

Today is Purple Day. It is a day dedicated to increasing epilepsy awareness worldwide. My daughter Taylor has epilepsy, but it is something that I never really gave much thought to until a few years ago. Taylor was diagnosed at 9 months old but her seizures were pretty much under control for several years. She’d have one or two seizures a year. Taylor had several other health issues that we were dealing with at the time so epilepsy was the furthest thing on our minds. That has changed in the past 2 years. Taylor’s seizures have become more frequent and more severe.


Today Taylor woke up in a fog, still feeling the effects of a heavy seizure day yesterday. The after effects of a seizure can take quite a toll on the body; exhaustion, headache, even temporary paralysis. The effects of several seizures in one day beat the body down. Imagine a boxer, picking himself off the mat after a hard punch, only to receive yet another that knocks him back down, then another, then another, until finally he’s on the mat, TKO, unable to stand. That’s Taylor after a heavy day of seizures.

Today is the third day of school this week that Taylor has missed because of seizures.

Today we are digesting a possible diagnosis of a serious form of epilepsy called Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome. We feel like the boxer too, after having received a punch in the gut. But, like the boxer, we’re standing right back up to take our punches. Just like all of the families who struggle with epilepsy. We’re a tough bunch. We fight back. We fight for our children, we fight for new medicines, we fight for awareness.

 Today, I wear purple. I wear purple to show my support for my friends and family members who struggle with seizures. I wear purple in honor of the wonderful friends I have met in my journey. I wear purple so that kids like Taylor, her friend Livy and so many others don’t have to wake up in a fog, don’t have to miss school, don’t have to have seizures.

Today, I saw the support of so many friends and family who wore purple. I love them all and I am so touched by their support.

Today, I felt blessed.

Today, I feel that I am not alone.

Charity - It does a body good!

Volunteering your time to charity is a lot like exercise. We want to do it, we know we should do it, but we seem to keep coming up with excuses for why we don’t do it. I’m too busy, I’m too tired when I get home from work, and I have to get the kids ready in the morning. Those are just a few excuses I’ve used to put off exercising.  And I’ve used some of those same excuses when it comes to volunteer opportunities.

 Another similarity between exercise and volunteering is that as much as you put off doing them, you feel really good when you’re done. Have you ever come home from work so tired that you just wanted to plop yourself down on the couch, but instead you went for a walk? After the walk, you feel refreshed, energized, and really glad that you got out and got active.

 Giving your time to serve others has the same impact. Exercise is good for the body, volunteering is good for the soul. And just like exercise, even small steps make a big impact. And there is now an app called Charity Miles where small steps literally do make an impact.

I just learned about Charity Miles from my daughter Lauren. Charity Miles is an app that tracks your miles as you walk or run and donates money to various charities. It’s like your own personal walk-a-thon for a charity of your choosing.

So I thought I would give it a try. I’ve been promising myself that I would start going for walks during lunch. My office complex has a beautiful walking path around a lake and the weather here has been spectacular. Plus I need the exercise. I chose Feeding America as my charity. I have volunteered for them in the past working in their warehouse sorting food donations for their food pantries. It’s a great organization, plus March is National Nutrition Month.

In two days, I walked 3.25 miles and provided 6.52 meals to hungry families. And it only took 45 minutes to do so! Talk about an impact….to both me and Feeding America. I now have motivation to get out and exercise each day and I’m helping a charity as I do so. (I'm envisioning a future blog post with before and after photos!)

 If you haven’t tried this app yet, you should. It is free to download and very easy to set up an account. There are a good variety of different charities to choose from – Special Olympics, Habitat for Humanity, Stand up 2 Cancer, ASPCA, Autism Speaks and many more. When you’re ready to go out for a walk, you simply open the app, select your charity and go. At the end of your workout you get to see how many miles you walked and the impact of your workout. You can choose a different charity each time if you like. I think I'm going to pick one a month.

You no longer have an excuse to not exercise or to give to charity. In fact you now have motivation to do both. I mean, how can you honestly skip a workout knowing that hungry families, abandoned animals, cancer patients, and many others are depending on you? Go on, just do it!

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It should be every day!

So, my original goal of one charity a month was a bit lofty. What was I thinking? I am a mother of a special needs child. I have a full time job, a husband, two other children and a home to care for. In a nutshell, I’m human and I have a life that frequently takes over. So, as evidenced by my lack of blog posts, I haven't quite "Done Anything"! I am excited to say though, that I have scheduled a date to cook and serve a meal at our local Ronald McDonald House and I’m thrilled about that. I’m working on getting my team of volunteers together and I’m planning my meal and grocery list. I will write more on that as the time nears. But in the meantime, just thought I’d share my thoughts on Valentine’s Day.

Today is Valentine’s Day. Whoopee, big deal! To me it is really just another day. Now don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the abundance of chocolates and other treats that tend to surface around the office on this day. But to me, Valentine’s Day is just like every other day in my life. I wake up and tell my husband I love him. I get my daughter ready for school, give her plenty of hugs and kisses and tell her I love her. I leave for work, kiss my husband and tell him I love him. I’ll talk to my two older kids sometime during the day and I’ll tell them I love them. Then, later tonight, I will kiss my husband again and tell him I love him before we go to sleep. You get the point and I’m sure you’ve heard this before. You don’t need a special day to tell the people around you that you love them. You should do that every day! And I’m sure we all do that. But what about the other gifts that are exchanged on Valentine’s day? Those also can (and should) be given any day throughout the year. Imagine how tickled your wife would be if she received flowers at work on any random day. I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and I think I have gotten flowers maybe 10 times. Probably 8 of those times have been random. It really does feel great.

It’s also Random Acts of Kindness Week. I think it is great that there is a week to promote Random Acts of Kindness (RAK’s), but we all know that we should do these every day. Seriously, how hard is it to just smile or give a compliment to a passing stranger? I have been the recipient of a compliment from a stranger and it made my day. I was riding in the elevator at work one morning and a very well dressed man commented that he liked my dress. Now I guess some would find this creepy, but I did not. I beamed from ear to ear and thanked him. Then you know what I did? I did what we should all do when we receive a RAK. I passed it on. I passed a woman in the hall and really loved the blouse she had on, so I told her. That one compliment really sparked something in me and I try to compliment people as frequently as possible. And my compliments are genuine. If I don’t like what someone is wearing, I’m not going to compliment them. But I will still give them a smile! Mother Teresa said it best, "We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do."

I guess my point in all of this rambling is that we should not reserve a special day or week or holiday to show love and kindness to other people. Send your mother flowers on August 3^rd, cook your husband his favorite dinner on a Wednesday, pack a love note in your kid’s lunchbox any day of the week. To keep this in theme with my blog, we should also remember that charities need our help all year long, not just during the holidays. There are always ample opportunities during Christmas. You can adopt a family, collect food for a food bank, and even go caroling at a nursing home. But the food bank needs food year round, the kids in the family grow and need new clothes, the elderly in the nursing home sure would love someone to just sit and visit with. I am really trying to keep this in mind throughout the year and I hope that you will do. Remember, “There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” – John Andrew Holmes. So go out and do your heart some good!